Monday, August 6, 2012

In The Beginning...

I am too lazy to write a long post detailing my reasons for following the Clean detox program.  So here they are in bullet form:

  • I'm addicted to refined carbs and sugar and have fallen prey to the (leftist) propaganda that currently tells us both are bad for our bodies 
  • I'm tired quite a bit and feel like I have a hangover if I don't get at least 9 hours of sleep each night
  • Though I'm skinny, I have a 'pooch' (tummy bulge, not a dog) and would love to wear a maxi dress without looking like I'm hiding half of a watermelon in my midsection
  • I have adult acne (15 years ago, my dermatologist told me this shit would go away and it wasn't affected by what I ate... liar!)
  • I want to feel cool again, like when I told people I was a vegetarian ("Oh my god, I don't eat beef any more - do you know how much methane cows produce?? I get my protein from tofu and almonds.")  Do you know how good bacon tastes when you haven't had it for five days??

Ok, so a little about me: female, 5'6", 122 lbs., early 30s, married, child, teacher, been skinny all my life.  I try to eat a balanced diet (balancing the sweetness of chocolate with the salty crunch of peanuts - M&Ms baby!).  Seriously though, I eat fruit and vegetables everyday because I like them, I eat a little bit of meat, I like fish, I don't drink soda or coffee because I have reflux, I don't drink alcohol or smoke.  Sounds like a picture of health, right?  Wrong.  I'm bloated and gassy everyday, tired and have very little control around cards and sugar, especially around people who also have very little control.  My husband is really into fitness (former college football player) which puts positive pressure on me to try to keep up and eat healthy.  Consequently, we have very few, if any, snacks in our home.  That doesn't stop me from grabbing muffins, cookies, chocolate, or granola bars (they're healthy - they have oats, sugar, dehydrated cane juice, brown rice syrup and corn syrup!!) when I'm out.

Crap, this just became a long post.  Let me wrap this up.  Alright, so I read about the book Clean by Dr. Alejandro Junger in a magazine and immediately purchased and downloaded it onto my iPad.  I'll try to summarize the premise for detox laid out in the book: modern life and diets pollute our bodies with toxins and, in order to allow our bodies to deeply detox, heal and function optimally, we need to give our digestive system a break.

Before the actual detox, the book recommends an 'elimination' period to ease the body into the detox.  During the elimination, you cannot eat wheat, bananas, dairy, oats, red meat, peanuts/peanut butter, bread, cereal, potatoes and a host of other foods.  My elimination period of one week (recommended by the book) begins tomorrow,  so today, I made sure to eat pasta, bread, peanut butter, oats and bananas - you know, kind of a 'farewell to food'... After the elimination, you are supposed to detox for up to 21 days or as long as you can stand it.  During the detox, you are allowed two liquid meals (juices, shakes or soups) and one solid meal each day with optional teeny tiny snacks in between (stop laughing).

Ok, no more typing.  Not sure how the hell I typed so many words when I'm tired.  Daily updates to come.  No updates = I passed out from starvation.